It’s about consent and negotiation and I cover the following topics.

• An introduction where I talk about bishuk.com and show a page about sexual health services
• That consent is about freedom and choices (not just saying, or waiting for, a yes or a no)
• Consent is important in all aspects of our lives, not just sex
• Self consent (how we might practice tuning into our own wants, needs, and desires by choosing a chocolate bar)
• The importance of agency (understanding our own decision making power and why it’s important)
• The impact of non-consensual behaviour on our own agency
• How to choose with another person (how to choose a Netflix show to watch with someone)
• What makes choosing with someone else tricky, but why it’s also fun
• Navigating and negotiating physical interactions with someone (I do this by explaining the handshakes activity from the Consent Teaching Pack, rather than asking the students to do it which (I’m guessing) at most schools you can’t do at the moment
• Sex and why we should treat it more like choosing something to watch on TV rather than a greeting
• What makes this tricky (the subject matter and stigma for talking about what we want from sex)
• Embracing awkwardness in sexual negotiations
• Power imbalances and how this might have an impact

The video itself is around 36 minutes long, but I have discussion points on slides throughout. I give you a cue to pause the video to allow for students to discuss the points I’m making.  There are five moments where you can pause the video to talk about

• How choosing a chocolate bar might be tricky
• What happened last time you tried to watch TV with someone
• How are you negotiating greetings now in Covid times
• What makes negotiating sex tricky
• Power imbalance scenarios

So you could do this in one double period lesson, or if you wanted to pad it out for a bit you could do it over a couple of lessons or even a week’s worth of tutor times. This would also work well with some of the activities I have in the Consent Teaching Pack. 

If this is popular I will make other talks!

Train Yourself in RSE Self reflexive and self guided training in relationships and sex education. Blogs, audio, and monthly zoom meetings. Out now at the BISH Patreon on the £10 a month tier. Or get in touch if you can’t sign up to Patreon and I’ll sell you a yearly subscription.

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A comprehensive teaching pack about Consent, from the author of Can We Talk About Consent

Like all my resources, this Consent Teaching Pack is a download and print your own pack. You’ll receive a download link when you place your order (you might need to check your spam folder for this email).

I’ve been developing some these consent activities for years and have delivered these resources with young people, adults, and professionals. My feedback from all of these folks is that the activities have enabled them to explore consent in much greater depth than many other teaching or workshop activities.

My lofty ambitions for this consent teaching pack are: for people to start to see consent as affecting all of us; that it is not just to do with sex; and how we can use our power to bring consent into all of our relationships, interactions, and cultures.

Don’t be put off by this though! I hope that you will find the activities easy and fun to use. These resources are designed to be used with ‘14s to adult’ audiences (though some are adaptable to a younger age group). There is increasing interest in consent workshops for all ages in schools, colleges, universities, workplaces, conferences and other events. There is plenty here for you to find the right activity and the right tone for your lesson plan and workshop.

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This pack contains the following activities:

Choose Chocolate 

It’s not easy to meet our own needs whilst also meeting the needs of other people. It’s very hard to do this around anything, so this activity helps your workshop participants to do this by choosing and eating chocolate (chocolate not included).

Self Care 

It can be difficult to feel what it is we might need when we are also trying to meet the needs of another person. Following on from the chocolate activity this self care activity helps folk to think about how they can tune into their own needs more often.

Talk for a Minute

In my experience many people are tired of being taught about consent and sex in over-simplistic terms and not be given the opportunity to talk about it. So this activity is to encourage people to think about their values and attitudes and to hear those of other people too. Over 30 challenging discussion cards, each with facilitator prompts.

Handshakes

An experiential learning tool to help people understand what it feels like to communicate your needs and to meet the needs of another, whilst also learning about the societal messages which make this more difficult. This has proved to be a very popular activity on here, but I’ve included an updated version with comprehensive slides to help pull the learning together.

Body Maps

To think about where people might and might not want to be touched (and how to find out). We receive messages from sex advice and sex education that there are parts of the body where everyone likes to be touched — this activity explores why this is not true and also not helpful when it comes to consensual sex.

Body Reactions

This activity explores how bodies might react when they are enjoying or not enjoying something.

How to Listen

Thinking about how we can pay attention to how people react to make sure that sex (or any other activity we do with another person) is consensual.

What is Sex?

Explore the many different ways of having sex with someone with a view to learning about safer sex, consent and sexual scripts. The messages we receive about what counts as sex often boil down to sex being just about penetration. This is a problematic idea because it excludes a lot of people (who can’t have or don’t enjoy that kind of sex) but it also puts pressure on people to have a particular kind of sex. This activity helps participants to think of a range of sexual activities which people may enjoy. This opens up the idea of having sex that we might actually want, rather than having sex which we feel we should have.

Who is Allowed to Have Sex?

Finding out who gets status for having sex and who gets stigma. This is a critically important part of learning about consent.

Power and Sex 

How stigma and status can lead to a difference in power between people when it comes to sex and relationships.

Create a Consensual Sex Scene

To think about how consent might look on-screen if they paid attention to consent.

Also included is a simple explanation of the law and consent in a slideshow.

Teaching RSE in Schools

If you are a teacher in a school and you are getting started delivering Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) I would strongly recommend you head to DO… RSE for Schools. There you will find everything you need to get started delivering really high quality RSE in schools. It has lesson plans written by me and Alice Hoyle. It’s about how we feel about ourselves, gender expectations, relationships, consent (featuring a version of the handshakes activity in this pack), and safer sex. These resources are all free and available now.

Going Beyond Consent

I think that consent is by far and away the most important topic in sex and relationships education and in sex advice. However, it isn’t the only topic. If you would like some more teaching resources might I recommend my ‘Love, Innit’ teaching pack about relationships.

You might also find my Bish Activity Book helpful. This is a book featuring over 40 worksheets and activity ideas for RSE and one-to-one work with young people. I’ve included a few of the relevant pages from that resource here.

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This isn’t really a teaching resource as such but more a resource for you to print out and make available. So you could use it for one-to-one work, or you could have some on a stall, you could leave some lying around in communal areas in halls, you could even make a display I guess.

I just wanted to create some resources for you to use to get the message across about what good consensual behaviour looks like but also to give people tools for working out how to do consent better. It draws a lot on what I’ve written at BISH but by offering them in these nice printed formats they might be picked up by new people. If you are looking for a teaching pack, for if you want to run workshops about consent then you might like my Consent Teaching Pack, which has loads of ideas for different activities you could run.

It contains:

How to Have Consensual Sex Zine

University will be the first time that many people will be having, or interested in having, sex and relationships. So this is a practical and hopefully useful guide which is pitched at the older teen/early twenty something (and I’d appreciate it if it was not used with a younger audience than this). As you can see it’s not just telling people what consent is but also how to get it, what makes consent harder, and ideas for how to have more enjoyable sex. There’s also a space where you can put the details of where people can report non-consensual sex, or non-consensual behaviours generally, or just get support.

Consent Worksheets

These are taken from the Bish Activity Book and are some of the worksheets which can help people to figure out for themselves some of the key questions about consent. Such as: what kind of sex they may like; where they do or don’t like to be touched; and, how to make sure that first time sex with someone will go okay.

How to Ask Someone Out Consensually

This is a poster taken from one of my more popular posts at BISH. It is an antidote to pick up artistry and tries to give people realistic and honest advice about how to chat to someone they don’t know in real life. You might want to put this up in venue toilets (of all genders) or at whatever social event you might be having.

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