Queering Sex Education

Inclusive relationships and sex education should do a lot more than just having an LGBTQ lesson. Queering sex education make RSE better for everyone and being truly inclusive.

Best practice RSE embeds gender and sexual diversity all the way through. It includes everyone from the get go. We also need to make sure RSE doesn’t reinforce the rules that prioritise straight and cis folks.

Queering the rules

From an early age we learn the very strict rules about what is ‘normal’ around gender and sexuality. For instance:

• There are only men and women
• Men and women are opposites and there are specifically ‘masculine’ and ‘female’ traits that men and women have to follow
• Men and women are only attracted to each other (the ‘opposite’ sex)
• Our bodies have to fit in with the gender we are given

If you’re already an RSE practitioner, you might want to come on my new Advanced RSE Training course.

The problem with these rules is that:

• If we break them we can face major repercussions (bullying, harassment, violence)
• They are unequal (for instance men get status for having sex, women get stigma)
• They exclude some people and make them invisible (e.g. trans/non-binary, or lesbian, gay, and bi people)
• Other aspects of our identities means that it can be very difficult to follow the rules of gender and sexuality. Eg race, disability, class, age, background, personality, neurodiversity)

How these rules appear in culture

Think about how sex and relationships are portrayed in Hollywood films. Who is portrayed, how do they look, who are they attracted to? Which of us really fits in with this ideal version of gender and sexuality?

If we consider the Hollywood depictions of gender and sexuality we can see that it often leave out, or sidelines, people who are LGBT. However the powerful rules and expectations placed on us means that many of us don’t feel okay about our own gender or sexuality – even if we are cisgender or straight. This is because the expectations are both impossible to live up to and also deeply unfair. Here’s an example of how queering sex education benefits everyone.

However, also think about your own RSE? Was it mostly about straight, cis, white, non-disabled people? Think about the RSE that you might be offering, who is included, who isn’t? What kinds of sex and relationships are included and what messages do we send out? 

One size fits all RSE is bad for everyone

By offering RSE that is inclusive from the get go we can not just make it better for non-straight and cis students but also better for everyone. One size fits all RSE benefits no-one and I think can do more harm than good. This is we need to ‘queer’ sex and relationships education so that it is valuable to absolutely everyone (even those that don’t want to have sex).

To do this we need to shift the focus away about what kinds of sex and relationships people ‘should’ be having. Queering sex education means providing tools for people to work out for themselves about different sexual or non sexual practices they may actually enjoy. Or different romantic or non romantic relationships that people might find valuable.

In addition to this, it’s better to avoid gendered terms such as ‘girlfriend’ or ‘husband’ but instead use terms like ‘partner’. Also be careful of gendering parts of the body − for example saying ‘a man’s penis’ could just be ‘a penis’ or ‘someone’s penis’.

Uniqueness around sexuality

However, rather than uncritically presenting gender and sexuality as a level playing field we then also need to make sure that students are able to explore how people’s experiences of discrimination can have an effect on how they navigate relationships and sex. This can be done by asking students to reflect on the different barriers and opportunities that are present for different kinds of people in our RSE.

Scenarios could cover things like: what issues might come up around sex where one person is just figuring out their sexuality and the other person is confidently out and proud? Does homophobia or biphobia make being in a relationship with someone of the same gender more difficult? How might someone who is disabled, and seen in society as non-sexual, express their desires without feeling stigma? How can a black bisexual person feel included when their local LGBT groups are so white?

A labels lesson

So although you could have a ‘these are what all the labels mean’ lesson, it’s important to make sure that it doesn’t just present a neutral message of just ‘it’s fine to be LGBTQ’ without recognising when and in what circumstances it isn’t, in real life. All students should be able to explore the implications of prejudice and discrimination. In addition to questioning all of the norms about sex and relationships, in order to help change the culture but also to be able to figure out what works for them in terms of their own identity and what they do. A way of talking about labels is to see them as resource that might help. What [else] does a label do?

If you would like a ‘this is what the labels mean’ lesson you could check out this lesson plan I’ve put up at TES and also this one about the beauty standard and who is allowed to have sex (looking at you Love Island). There are also some cracking resources at Proud.

My Bish Activity Book has some worksheets which help young people to think about genders and sexualities (among many other things). It’s a bargain for £20. You can download and print as many copies of the worksheets as you like and there are tons of ideas in there.